Dear Cecelia
by pearlchavez
Summary: ATONEMENT: Briony may never have truly confessed to Cecelia, but it is likely that she wrote it to her so many times, even though it never was delivered...


Dear Cecelia,

Please don't throw this letter away like you probably did the previous one. I heard about Robbie's passing and wish to send my condolences. You're probably wondering how I found out, well that was because a friend of his from the war, Nettle was his name, was at the hospital. He was looking for you Cee, the address on those postcards Robbie had were barely visible. He asked me due to our surname, and I told him. He asked me if I would join him, but I know your stomach would churn if I ever showed my face again after that disgraceful incident, so I lied and said I was too busy. I do hope he found you.

Cecelia I'm sorry. I shan't use any rhymes or embellishments in this letter, because I know my over-active imagination has led to the death of someone we both loved very dearly. I do not know what else to say to you, I know I could say it everyday for the rest of my life, and still you would not forgive me. What I did that day was a terrible thing and completely unforgivable. I can't even explain why I did it, I had no reason apart from my jealousy. You are probably scoffing at that, but it wasn't typical jealousy. It wasn't because I was in love with Robbie. I just wanted to be a part of it, I wanted to be a part of your new found love, and I suppose I was really jealous that this was a relationship I could not take part in. You won't understand, and I don't expect you to.

Every single night, I sit at my typewriter, or lie in bed staring at the black sky above, regretting what I did that night. I'm not asking for pity Cee, I just want you to know that I am aware of the terrible mistake I made, and my conscience is killing me. I know I have prevented you and Robbie from spending the time together that you so longed for and deserved. If it were up to me, I would go back to that day, and I would tell the truth. It's such a childlike thing to say yes, but my thirteen year old self still haunts me. I know that if he were alive, Robbie would only argue that there are soldiers as young as me left to die, so I suppose I have no excuse.

I may as well tell you the truth now, since I know you have been waiting to hear it. Both Lola and I know who assaulted her that night. We were at the lake, and the world around me had been blanketed in darkness, with only my torchlight to unwrap it. I was afraid, as any child would be wandering around at that time of night, and when I heard that noise, it frightened me beyond anything that had ever scared me previously. I knew even then, that that kind of noise was not simply of the night, but of pure evil. Everything sort of went blank after that, I shined the torchlight, and there they were, lying on the grass, like wild animals in the night. I dropped the torchlight, and he ran off, but I had already seen him. Lola was lying on the grass sobbing her heart out, and I comforted her. I told her that I seen him, and manipulated her into thinking that it was Robbie. She knew who it was, and she still does. I was just so foolish, I had to have my own way, and that night, that terrible crime just had to be committed by Robbie. I told you why this had to be.

It was Paul Marshall. It was Leon's friend that committed such a terrible crime, and I knew. I did see him with my own eyes. I seen his hair light up with my torchlight, the colour of the devil's, and I seen the fright in his eyes. He seen me too. Lola knows, I know, because she cannot bring herself to look at me, even to this day. We were the sisters grim, and due to that, Robbie Turner is now dead. Lola married Paul Marshall. Why is it always evil that triumphs over good these days? Why has someone so evil been granted the chance to stand in front of God and declare his love for a girl he ruined five years ago? It is questions that my doing can't answer.

I had to tell you Cee, I had to do one good thing. I have to be able to tell Saint Peter that when I die, I need something positive to say. I do not want to be faced with too many atrocities, I do not want to be haunted in eternity, knowing that I prevented two soul mates from their life together. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Cecelia. Sorry that I probably won't send this letter to you.

Yours Sincerely

Briony


End file.
